You had fled from the depths of solitude and greed. You were a lost soul in search for a new beginning and hope in this world that had shut you out. You discovered a safe haven and yet were still imprisoned by the demons of your own mind. There was no quieting your want for freedom and nonconformist ways. There was no silencing your yearning for a better way of life and companionship.
Then, we met. When I first saw you my heart beat faster, my face was flushed and my blood turned aflame. I had started singing so God could here my praise and then lost sight of the purpose of my standing there. I saw you you’re your head down and thought you were trying not to laugh at my silly bellowing, and felt shame. After the service, I was praying you would not have noticed me, for fear that you would comment on my horrible performance on stage. Yet, when you approached me, my heart felt as though it had just stopped and my voice left me. You were timid and unsure, but your presence was enough to overpower me. When you spoke, your words were as honey on a fiery throat. When I gained the courage to look into your eyes, I saw storm clouds slowly lifting and from gray to blue, as most skies do. Your rain filled soul became as clear as the water in a fresh stream. I was frightened and slipped away. I gained my ability to breathe once more and walked slowly back to you. From there on the only problem was when you doubted yourself and back tracked on all that you had worked so hard to achieve. Nevertheless, I loved you and wanted only to give you all your heart desired.
I loved the way you spoke to me, looked at me, and treated me. You were tender and gentle and treated me as though I was worth something. I knew what it is like to be an outsider; to be different from the rest of the world and have people only to see my faults. I wish you could have known that I would not have left you alone even in your toughest of situations. I wish I could have rid you of all of your bad memories, dried all of your tears of hate and contempt for the world and pain from persecution and helped you to find peace. I lived to see the smile on your bright, angel kissed face. I enjoyed seeing you when you were having fun or laughing. I took pleasure in having you to watch over me and to back me up and to cheer me up when I was down. You confided in me and also managed to help me bear some of my troubles. I longed just for the next moment I could hold you caress you. I loved how close we were, but they ended to soon.
You were my world. You were my universe. You were my best friend, whom I could confide in. You were my lover, whom I was one with. You were my sunlight, of which warmed my soul and protected me from the cold blows the world took at me. You were my guardian. You were everything to me. I was willing to give up one life to live with you in another. I refused to give up my virginity because of the laws of the Lord. I refused nothing else from you. You needed a place to rest your weary mind and that is what I provided for you. You needed a shoulder to cry on, and I was there. When circumstances kept us apart, I went through scorching heat and freezing nights to find you. Those times are over now, for you still left me in the dark took everything I held dear from me.
Everything must have at least a tiny bit of care or it dies. A heart with no love will wither to nothing. I was not loved, and therefore did not love myself and now, a bitter chasm is left where my heart once was. My back was stabbed. My heart was crushed. My hopes of a life spent with my counterpart were dissolved in the wind. You are a cold and barbaric creature. I have never seen anybody as heartless as to leave a vulnerable young heart without even an inch of sunlight. This pain will never leave me. I have no tears left. My world was shattered and yet here I stand. I am a cold and unfeeling creature. I am dark and vacant. There is no joy when thoughts of you cross my mind. You changed and so have I.
I now must flee from the depths of solitude and greed. Greed in that I wish for the past and allow myself no future. I am now a lost soul in search for a new beginning and hope in this world that has shut me out. I long to discover a safe haven, and yet I am still imprisoned by the demons of my own mind. There is no quieting my want for freedom and my now, nonconformist ways. There is no silencing my yearning for a better way of life and companionship. I still long for the love I had known, and know it cannot be. I still long for my angel to come back for me. I long for peace and understanding, and nonetheless know I will not have it. No peace for me, and still, if you are at peace, then I have hope.